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Posts Tagged ‘rubber’

IMG_0324A craze that has so nearly passed me by has suddenly come to my aid … Loom bands .. an inspired cats cradle of twisted rubber bands is slightly bonkers and batty but the ultimate throwaway jewellery solution. So if someone randomly relieves you of the burden of your heirloom jewellery collection (this happened in real life folks ),you can quickly fabricate an entire couture collection of rubber seamlessly.

In fact you don’t even need to weave and twist the bands either – rather just assemble a whole collection of bands on a piece of elastic and you are whizz- bang- a jeweller extraordinaire.

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024Autumn time is the erotic time, the time to be dominated by big lary plants with attitude. These are the Christian Greys of the garden world . The plants that will always say yes and yes again and make mine a handcuff and silken scarf and be damned.

083057Grasses first : architectural and arch with it

. Giving fabulous structure , colour , muscle and brawn. They are the bouncers of the garden, standing up straight  in the doorways fiddling with their mikes and manhoods. Twitching in the wind ,and giving the shoulder and the eye to the plants around them. Our garden is 25% grasses of all kinds which are woven through the plantings . As you walk through the borders it is the grasses that give you that shelter and which block the sun from time to time. They can also be  brash with candy bar colours in their leaves. Sometimes they are like  Brighton rock laced with pinks, oranges and reds , and sometimes just burning crimson and vermillion . Their seed heads can also be subtly or not so subtly coloured: beaded jewels with the early morning mists and dew or heavy with embroidery thread tassels. Some of them are woolly and crinkled like chips , some of them are smooth and silken. This is the way where madness lies as you try and get them together en masse. Did I tell you about the romance and the softness too ? the way they lend a wispy texture to the garden that catches the light and shimmers it through the borders. Lucky us , when the bouncers show their hearts of  gold under their butch veneer.

034The Muscle : Big Plants , Big Egos

By autumn time we can clearly see the plants that have ambition to be the biggest and the most glam with it. They literally put on all their jewellery and bling and pimp it up rotten. They are shamelessly wanton and wanting attention. And they can do it by height and bravado and staking their claim to be the first into the nightclub of autumn.They even have tattoos and piercings ! My Big fat gypsy plants. They slip their clothes on and off with languid ease and shameless lewd loveliness.And take colour as their watchword.

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negligee and slipper , corset and bodice : our plants will work their way through their wardrobe as the season progresses, shedding and shucking them off as the mood suits.Their jackets are lined with shocking colours to make you blink and their buttons and fastenings provocatively taut. Wardrobe malfunction is their trick.

012Are they coy and winning or buxom and blousy ?

101Where is the lustre of youth and vigour ? where are the dimpled thighs of the Moulin rouge muffin tops ? the glistening sequined décolleté and the supermodels of shameless glam ?

090are they in their dressing rooms painting their nails and eating jelly babies, pulling on their rubber suits and skin tight stockings ? are they on the couch with their casting directors ?

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Beauty and beast we love them all !

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how you might feel after being in a ditch …. stoney and glum

New wading bird seen in ditch in garden ! Pauline McBride in fashionable wading gear up to her armpits. It was not a good look . Not any look at all if you ask me . Waders are so unflattering in so many ways, particularly if the said costume is several sizes too big and any straps and belts have to be wound into some sort of kinky S and M outfit to hold the whole thing up. More like  fifty shades of dirty rubber ,than grey .The ditch is deep with sides like a canyon laced with curling brambles and foot trapping wirey bryony and in this time of flood ,very deep and needing a dredger to clear the sticky foot clinging silt.Walking in  the waders and thigh deep in sludge is an exercise workout in itself. Lifting your foot requires will power and a force equal to a jcb and over and over again . Dragging myself along with a miserable slovenly limp is all I can do by the end of the day.In fact, hauling myself out of the ditch I feel like one of the first reptiles coming out of the swamp on to land at the beginning of time because after an afternoon of it , it feels like that long .Couple all that with a wind from Siberia and I feel that  I could have flown in from the Tundra , backwards by the end of the afternoon.And mud in the face is such a joy . Farm spa indeed.

Flailed by brambles and blackthorn and sporting a crazed and whipped face (brambles again) this is an unholy pit of mire and not much mirth. Tomorrow will be more of the same I suppose  as we clear the way for waters flowing aplenty. Better in the ditch than in the garden where to walk on water is one of the everyday miracles.

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