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Posts Tagged ‘Pigs’

butter wouldnt melt in their mouths

well they were for at least three times today and then they were in the garden.. illegally.

Four Gloucester old spot crossed with Tamworth (therein is the problem possibly) piglets arrived today. Were ensconsed safely in their woodland pen and then voila we saw them casually meandering through the cutting garden bold as brass. Returned them to their pen with bucket of food. Peace. Later ,sudden movement caught our eye and they were back in the garden again having escaped from the wood again . Ambling casually past the polytunnel .They had escaped again. Twice more as dusk fell they managed to escape by sheer wriggling athleticism we found that they were not digging under the fence or vaulting over , but simply just squeezing through the stock fencing  like buttered houdinis. For what reason ? it is utterly mysterious and quite unknown what drives them to be so bloody minded. Needless to say we have become so paranoid at their escapeful antics by this time (ok Chris , stop saying I told you so !!) that it was time for true incarceration. Manhandling their piggy porkishness in our arms with their fifty million decibel squeeling ringing in our ears we stumbled through the gloaming and they are now shut in a fort knox (famous last words) chicken house with perimeter fencing. Tomorrow brings a new day of machinations and plottings.. Paul leaves for Scotland and the pigs have won round one…the question is ,will sucking pig be on the menu on his return ?

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snakily different

What does it mean if a snake crosses your path…is  it lucky ? I count myself lucky that I didn’t actually stand on it so olive green and camouflaged as it was ! and lucky for the snake of course peacefully minding its own business over near the pigs(in fact what was it doing over there ?) that it wasn’t crushed to a pulp by a mighty human foot. I think it was a grass snake BUT  it certainly does not seem to match the photofit  in the countryside book.(see above )It was a stunning olive colour like a piece of matt leather . A beautiful thing indeed and so subtle and smoothly intriguing as it moved, well  rather slithered off onto the woodpile with utterly sinuous perfection . I am sure we will meet again this year as the woodpile will be used for the log fires to come and where will the snake go then..?. well into another wood pile I guess. If there is one thing we are not short of its woodpiles ! So that is three snakes Paul and I have seen in a very short space of time  and that doesn’t count the wonderful sloughed off snakeskin with which Paul would regale horrified visitors from time to time . I think our garden must be so on trend, as snakeskin really seems to be the in fashion print of the moment.
 
My jangled nerves were to be calmed somewhat by an impromptu hoof massage from the lamb appropriately named Chocolate(so named because of rich milk chocolate coloured fleece) I could be charging a fortune for her spiky little hoof massage which gets you in all the wrong places (people do pay for this sort of horrendous treatment ), plus hair chewing for that tousled ruffled and windswept look. These sheep could be running a top class beauty and pampering salon if only they put their minds to it .

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Boys are Back in Town

Snug as bugs ! photo by Pako

the newest cutest little pigs arrived last week and were installed in their woodland dell . Berkshire breed again but very friendly already and the cheekiest little things. It is their turned up noses that adds to the air of mischief. Pako came with us to collect them .. but wasnt expecting quite so much involvement in the adventure as he had to heft the weighty charges in to the horsebox.. I dont think his special mexican tshirt and white trousers will ever be quite the same again.Surprisingly the pigs underwent the inelegant man handling with a stoicism quite unheard of and were unusually quiet and docile. Now of course they can enjoy the wonderful plethora of autumn and abundance of real foraging for acorns and a perrys worth of pears and apples to get through !

one pig,two pig, three pig ? photo by Pakoyum ! photo by Pako

out on their first excursion ! now where are all the fences and how soon can we break out ?

thats more like it ! photo by Pako

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sad face

sad face

I am very sad at the moment because we have just loaded the two girls (pigs) up into the horsebox to take them to the abbatoir. Coincidentally (and a bit spookily) the bell did toll at 730 hours exactly over at the monastery and a flock of geese clattered honking overhead.The wood seems very empty without them. 

Now preparing to cook b and b breakfast having sustained silly injury falling off the hurdles which I was climbing over and into a pile of wood. Nice !  nothing hopefully that a bit of savlon wont put right !! its more about the crushing indignity of doing it that hurts the most.

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what do all these things have in common ? one common denominator – -moi !

the orange cake had just been popped in the oven, I was stoked up with enough painkillers to stun a horse (terrible toothache !) and looking forward to watching the Apprentice .. all running to time ,when frantic ringing of doorbell and ashen faced lady explained they had just met a pig on the road , the B2116 ! our pig of course (the same villain which featured in a blog oh so recently !) dusk falling and clad in a very fetching pinny I sallied out to try and catch said porcine pest.. after frantic flagging down of bemused car drivers, running up and down through stinging nettles and much swearing and helpful suggestions from my assistant pig catchers like “can you not catch it by the ear and drag it ? “er no .. the thing is going to shrug off any such lightweight tactics with no trouble … more frantic running,shaking bucket,throwing bucket , tripping on bramble,(me not pig) swearing sotto vocce as realise nice impromptu pig catchers might disapprove of  bad language , pig finally escapes into my mums veg plot through hedge and thence back to its woodland glen where I fill troughs with enough food to feed them til next week…therafter begins the thankless task of bashing in pegs to all the fencing on road side to stop any further escape manoeuvres… with a trusty head torch I stumble along the fence line , sometimes torn at by brambles, stung so many times by nettles I am devising a new nettle therapy ,cars whizz by no one cares.. pigs annoyingly club together and grumble and pester through the fence wondering what I am up to… our good life has gone horribly askew… fall into bed plotting new pig retaining fences to be installed tomorrow..

and the cake of course burnt to a dreadful cinder !

butter wouldn't melt ...

butter wouldn't melt ...

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things get broken ,chickens have a heart attack and the window cleaner cannot believe his eyes as one of the glamorous super model pigs sashied by ,and like a masked raider ,made tracks for the chicken run to get stuck into their food. Several smashed eggs later, an unholy rabble in the buff orpingtons ,and a broken chicken feeder/water bucket/gate, we manage to wrestle Miss Porker 2011 back into her woodland home and back to her compadres who had sensibly stayed put . No help from window cleaner either but luckily he didn’t get thrown off his ladder as the cavalcade went by. Animals are stress factor number one at the moment with lambing on the prairies.The agony and the extascy of lambs as they teeter on the edge between survival and oblivion all in a puff of wool !

the villain !

the villain !

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our new pig girls (there is a technical name for girl pigs but who knows what it is ) are back in on the catwalk , well the woods actually, and they mean business !

Why can I liken them to super models ? firstly they are sleek and lean-ish looking ; smooth flanked and with their little hooves seem to teeter around like their namesakes on their Alistair McQueen platforms. Perky ears and bright little eyes searching for the next big break or agency scout. They do have a radar like sixth sense that food is on its way. This is hardly a difficulty as they are on a permanant stag watch in the wood monitoring movement from the back door of the house. Also their hearing is tuned to a enth degree as they can recognise the sound of a sliced carrot in a bucket from 100 yards. I am sure that super models must live at this permanent level of alert in respect of food. How could they not , they must be starving . Permanently. Our pigs are not starving . far from it . but they think they could well be and must by necessity at all opportunities be ready to eat  . As I teeter myself on the precipice of summer , when mulching the garden will begin and I can look forward to losing a couple of pounds (if i am lucky) (there is of course the Cake factor to bear in mind. With an open garden cakes are a daily hazard to negotiate on the rocky road to summer svelteness !) I look to my pigs for inspiration.

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